Timmyz Tales - The Woes of Whatsapp WEb

Since I found out about Van Dammes apartment I have refused to let him drop me off. It’s unfair to him and it just makes no sense to me. There is no point.

He, however has taken no offence whatsoever, everyday at 5pm he’d casually send me a message “I could drop you off, if you don’t mind” and I’d respond – No thanks. Then he’d launch into a sermon explaining how it’s no big deal, he enjoys driving, he enjoys my company bla bla bla. I’d like to indulge but it’s just unfair.

I miss hanging out with Van Damme and bitching about work and traffic. So when I work late and Fela is out of town. I’d hang out with Van Damme and then go home (to Fela’s) when the traffic has “Thawed”. Maybe Van Damme and I flirt a little, but I make sure to bring up Fela in every conversation and he makes sure to sit still and listen and then change the Topic immediately after

My relationship with Fela is ever so blissful. No one makes me so happy. He has my “mumu button”. When I fight with him. I forgive him before the fight is over and he knows how crazy about him I am. Our relationship has blossomed into a mutual agreement of friendship and coitus and joy. I even have my own ringtone...

Here’s how I found out… After a nice evening of take out dinner and muscato, he was looking for his phone and I had to call it. Then I heard the ring tone “ Baby you’re my everything, you’re all I ever wanted…” It was Drake’s Best I Ever Had. My heart melted, My smile filled up the room. He caught me in my blush and said “why are you blushing please?” He knew exactly why I was blushing….. Let’s just say some parts of me came alive and we both went to sleep exhausted and happy.

Morning came life went on, we went to work, everything was normal. I sent Igho a message telling her about the ringtone revelation. Her response; “Madam, all of you have ring tone, doesn’t henrietta have ringtone”. I ignored her.

5pm:

Van Damme sent me his usual “I could drop you off” Message, and I said my usual no and he launched into his sermon and then asked to Hang out. All to which I refused. Todays sermon was more mushy than normal, there were series of I miss yous and I miss your smile etc. I was indulging him and sending I miss you too and endearing emoticons etc.. heck it’s Van Damme it’s what we do.

Fela picked me up about 6pm we went straight home. I set up my Laptop to get some work done. When I was through I joined Fela on the couch to flip through channels and watch MasterChef. Then he received a call and had to get on the internet, he walked up to my laptop and asked me to log in saying he needed to get on the internet. I did as I was asked and walked away. Fela went on with his call, spent some time on my Laptop reading something (I assumed he was reading news or some article, or something related to the call… Oh was I wrong!!)

He came back to the couch but this time he was distant. He was just weird. So I asked: “Babe are you ok”. As though, he was impatiently waiting for me to ask…. “Ebitimi I have asked you several times about your relationship with Van Damme. The other day you came home moaning about how he is a sweet guy because he brings you home everyday even though he lives in phase 1. I am not mad at that

Every Sunday you leave me at home to hang out with Van Damme and his friends. That’s not the problem

One day you will come home with ring and tell me he proposed. I am not annoyed babe, I just need to know what the deal is.

I was staring at him confused and upset because there was nothing going on between VanDamme and I

Me: What are you talking about Fela, where is this one coming from

Fela: It’s coming from your innocent flirtations with Van Damme

Me to myself: Oh this bloody Igho won’t kill me, Igho got me hooked on whatsapp web, so it’s permanently open on my web browser, it’s so much easier to chat and work that way… look at me now, as innocent as my relationship with Van Damme is, reading those messages objectively suggests otherwise

Me to Fela: Do we read each other’s messages now? Should we switch phones so we can go through each other’s messages

Fela: so you want to be defensive? Timi, This guy knows more of you than I do and that’s just hurtful. You talk to him about us Timi… That’s wrong on all levels… You tell him about our fights, he knows about my kid?

Me: I am sorry Fela, I am sorry about that. Why did you read all my conversation Fela. What is wrong with you?

As I was busy being defensive, confused and upset. He went upstairs and took a really really long shower. While he was in the shower, I had to go see what he saw and I put myself in his shoes. Then I realized how unfair it was. I had friend zoned Van Damme, I told Van Damme all those things to prove to him that I really was in a relationship with Fela and really to not feel bad when I dangerously flirt with him. But it wasn’t fair to Fela. I had no right telling another Man his business.

When he came out of the bathroom. I was sitting on the floor of his bedroom and I said “Fela, the only thing I can say is sorry, I promise there is nothing between Van Damme and I”

Fela: No, there isn’t anything today. But you have fed him the playbook. You have told him the things you like and the things u dislike, you have shown him my flaws, the flaws within our relationship. He has the playbook babe

Source: www.dreamstime.com

Fela and I went asleep with me remorseful and mute. Sigh