Timmyz Tales: Van Damned!!

Again, Fela and I are in a good place, I have pseudo moved back in and all is well and good in the hood.

source: www.troll.me

Strangely, Van Damme was and is not upset with me at all. Apparently, he understands my relationship with Fela and sees that we are not ready to commit to each other and won't commit to anyone else so it's ok. He still brings me random gifts. Sometimes chocolate, other times single roses, food etc and he'd say 'I was walking past a store and I saw it and it reminded me of you. That's why I bought it”. I know in my heart that he goes out of his way to buy and bring these things. Because I have never seen anyone hawking rose stems in Lagos or anywhere in Nigeria.

Lunch with Folarin turned to Lunch with Van Damme and Folarin, then Folarin’s ego wouldn't let him continue, so it became Lunch with Van Damme. Lunch with Van Dame is vert soothing, he is very attentive and laughs like Muttley (the cartoon character from wacky races). Van Damme is such a pleasant, respectful, young man. He easily fused himself into my daily routine. I’d started calling him VD and he begged me to stop that it sounded like a disease. He listened, and I talked, all the time. We started to go home together and casually hang out together, most times it'd be with his friends who won't stop teasing that I have tossed him into the bro zone. We grew fond of each other but the ultimate fondness and “fondler” remained Fela; In Fela i found my Zen.

Some management decisions were made at work and teams had to be moved around. In light of that, I no longer report to Folarin. My new boss is a Lady; Vivian Adetonna. Vivian is very pretty, she always looks like she was styled by a Dolce and Gabbana representative. She is a bosslady as the name implies. She doesn’t attend meetings that don’t have a financial benefit. She is very stern and straight to the point. She does not ever try to politicize her conversations and she does not bring her personal problems to the work place; apparently she has a few of those. As a result of her "selective meeting attendance syndrome", I have a lot of meetings to attend which means less time to have meaningless conversations with Folarin. This works in favour of Van Damme though, because he works closely with Vivian, and I have to review a lot of documentation and receipts he sends in. This provides more time for small talk with Van Damme.

I like Folarin, he is a great friend, an excellent boss and a wonderful colleague.  He is very patient with me. He listens to me talk about all my man problems, he literally just allows me to get away with all my misgivings. He is like the Older Brother I don’t have. However, recent developments have indicated that this feeling is not mutual.

I heard from the office newsroom; Olamide (She is story for another day), that Folarins’ wife left him for her ex-boyfriend (*insert dramatic soundtrack*). She went to the states to have her baby and never returned. There are speculations that the baby isn’t even Folarin’s child. I don’t know the authenticity of this information but I don’t have the mind to ask and it makes sense how Folarin dives into some type of Manic Depression Mode and then dives right out and seems kind of uncertain over how he feels about women. That being said, our conversations will remain non-intimate. I don’t even want to encourage the thought that there might be a sliver of hope for him.

Besides lunch, Van Damme and I had an unspoken routine. Wednesdays we'd see a movie and he'd take me home. Sundays he'd pick me up from mine, take me to church, we'd have lunch and then he'd take me home or drop me off by Fela’s house. He never asked whose house it was but I am sure he knew. Cos whenever he dropped me there, I could see his shoulders and heart sink a little. One Sunday after church he invited me over to lunch and I accepted his invitation. We attended Salem that day and as we drove out from church he headed towards Lekki Phase 1. At first I assumed he was going to pick up something, so I didn’t ask any questions.

Lo and behold, we got to an apartment complex by the third roundabout and he drove in, all chatty with the security man. I was still quiet and trying to understand what was happening. He parked his car and came down. I said “Van Damme, please I don’t have kidnap value, aren’t we going over to yours again?”. He said,” This is where I live T, I begged my mum’s cook to make us lunch and she sent me a message saying she has dropped it off.”

I was so confused. I asked “Is this your mums house?”

“No this is my house, she bought it for me, so it’s mine now. She lives in Ogba with my dad”

In my head, I was somewhere between confused and upset. How is it that you live here and then you drive all the way to sangotedo to drop me off on weekdays??  You drive all the way there to pick me and take me to church and then drive me all the way back! Like who are you???!!!

We went in and truly it was his apartment, two bedroom flat, nice and portable with a very “bachelory” feel. The colour theme was Black and crème. His TV set was massive, he had like a ‘Gaming area’ where he had loads and loads of consoles and games. Then there was the stereo, when he put on his music I had to beg for it to be turned down, the surround speakers were really surround. His kitchen was really a ‘Bare Minimum Effort” the only part of the kitchen that seemed like it was frequently visited was the Sink, dustbin and Fridge; which was carefully organised and filled with left over take out, beer and wine.

I immediately sent Igho a message on whatsapp; “Igho do you know where chunky lives?!”, I went on and on explaining it to her

Her response: Timmy, I don’t know how and why you constantly attract weirdos. *rme

My name is Timmy; and I don’t understand why anyone would do what Van Damme is doing for me when it's quite clear that I am with Fela.