Lotanna Laments: Meeting Gori (Part II)

Link to Meeting Gori (Part 1)

I went back to lagos carrying with me unpleasant reminders of my failed sexual experience.  Going back to Lagos, I was confronted with the reality of being married i.e. I had to move to Gori's house, my dad said it was a taboo for me to sleep in his house after he has received bride price on my head; (certainly he was being dramatic, but yea, I started moving into Gor's house in bits and pieces). The first night I slept there as Mrs Ogunbanjo we had yet another distasteful sexual encounter uugh! Listen, I love Gori, I love everything about him. I love the way he smells, I love the way he twitches when he is caught in a lie. I love the way he smiles at me everytime he thinks I am about to start a fight. I love the way he holds the door open for me. I love that he watches my TV shows with me and begs me to let him watch soccer in peace. I love that he tells me everything, where he is going, who he is with and when he will be back. Gori has a short temper but he never loses it with me, come to think of it, we've never really had an actual fight. He lost it with the security guard at my dad's place once, he was fiercly furious, I was so scared. I also witnessed him yell at his mum and almost immediately beg her for forgiveness. But he has never as much as yelled at me. I mean i've gotten stern looks but thats about it... I digress

I am married to Gori now, we've lived together Seventeen days, we are happy together. I promise you its all bliss; Aunty Chinelo says i should enjoy it, that when reality hits me i'd have these memories to fall back on (she's so encouraging *insert sarcastic emoji*). Our sex life is miserable but only Nnenna and I know that.  As far as Gori and the rest of the world; IG, twitter and snapchat followers included are concerned, my life is beautiful and by God it was.

All was well and good until I had my first reality check, which seemed like nothing at first but escalated rather quickly. It was a beautiful normal sunday morning Gori and I were prepped and ready to go to church, his cousin Silas who lives with us and has a very very very feminine side delightedly took a photo of us and I, in my normal fashion put it up on my Instagram feed, to 'feed' my followers. Per usual, it was accompanied with a happy go lucky caption. As we rode to church, i received an IG notification, alas a comment from "@xyz :"aunty please, enough with your marital bliss brouhaha". I didn't know when i uttered "ahn ahn".  Gori asked whatsup, I was like nothing Jare all these haters. I took a screenshot and sent it to Nnenna, Alexis and Shola. Topic will be revisited post-service.

When I got out of service, my Instagram DM had exploded, the girls were furious. Apparently, @xyz did not go to church because, she deleted her comment and then went on twitter to let off some steam

Tweet 1: All these recently married people that won't allow us hear word
Tweet 2: You haven't done your homework, quick quick you have paid his bride price. I am sure you think he paid yours
Tweet 3: You don't just jump into the arms of any man with a nice face and nice front in the name of marriage, you should ask around
Tweet 4: Make sure he is clean before you make your marriage public. At night he's with someone else, the next morning you are posting pictures
Tweet 5: Typical that he'd pick you though, rich, pretty stupid virgin. What a front.

Ahn Ahn, who is this person and what is she talking about?.. that was my response to the group chat

Nnenna was the stalker, she followed the girl to get deets about her, the only thing we could decipher was that she was friends with Silas's best friend Yinka. Yinka was a loud harmless girl who came around every now and then to hang with Silas, they called themselves best friends.

That conversation happened via a series of vigorous funny and sarcastic texts over Instagram DM, i typed away as we were on the way home from church and I was exclaiming every step of the way.  Gori knows how I get when I am on the phone, so he has gotten used to me and my solo expressions when I am texting. I don't know if I was being naive or a novice but I honestly found it funny until I decided to gist my husband. As soon as we pulled up to the house I said "Babe please do you know any @xyz on IG. He said no and quickly looked away. I saw Silas snicker a little and walk away too.

Hahn Okay, is there some kind of prank going on, someone needs to Let me in on it.
Me: Babe, for real (I tried to gist him ).. Mid gist Gori straight up yelled at me saying
"Lotanna, I have told you I don't know this person, I have also told you several times to stop putting everything on the internet. Well there you have it, a troll on your hands"
Me: ahn ahn, please chill we are not fighting, I am just giving you gist
Gori (Now standing and looking at me rather fiestily): No one said we are fighting, I just don't need this type of attention)
Me: Gori
Gori: I'm no longer having this conversation
Me: Gori, why are you taking this thing so personal
Gori: Please leave my sight

I burst into laughter, Gori please whats doing you, it's not that serious. I walked over to him and placed my hand on his shoulder, "abi is @xyz your girlfriend"

Gori smacked the back of my palm really hard and said "enough of this talk". He got up and stormed off.

At this point I'm standing in my living room utterly confused as to how that happened. Why is he angry, what's doing him and why the hell will he hit me like that or even speak to me like that

Lotanna Laments: Meeting Gori (Part I)

Following that unfortunate sexual experience, I gave Gori another go at coitus the following day. Alas another failure, it was another brief and disappointing experience. I said to him 'did you Iike it' he responded 'baby you are like over ripe banana, you are too sweet'. At this point I am not sure what to make of that, I said “is that a yes or a no”

Gori; 'it's a no, I didn't like it, I loved it” Grinning ear to ear as he spoke, he scooped me up, kissed my neck and put me back on the bed in an attempt to commence another unpleasant 7 minutes, I curled myself away and said I was tired.

Mcccw, selfish much, why didn’t he ask me, if I liked it. I would have had the opportunity to tell him then without murdering his Ego.

Gori left for the airport while I packed up to check out. I packed up everything; soiled bedsheet inclusive (I dropped 20k on the side stool as a token for taking away their bedsheet).

The next couple of days were a bit turbulent because I could not get my mind off it.  There was nothing to compare Gori to, so I wasn’t even sure if there was a problem. Maybe that’s how it works and after a while there’s a build up. You guys, something is not right mehn, It was particularly uncomfortable, It was unpleasant, all I wanted was for him to reach his climax and just leave me alone.

What a cliché I might have become. It's one of two things, it's either this sex thing grows on people or I have become the driver that didn't test drive before buying the car. So I decided to ask Nnenna, she said 'my first time was a mess too, I hated it but then i learnt that Richard was as much a child as me, we were both unaware of what we were doing... After a few experiences with my kind of men, sigh... babes once you find the right man, you get it right, you won’t go back.

Then she said “In your case, you have to make Gori Work”
Me: “Nne please how, what will be my base line? How will I make it work”
Nnenna:  “Please go and watch porn, watch Game of thrones, Learn what Khaleesi learnt to turn Drogo into her lover”
Me: “Now you are just messing around, Nnenna I need help”
Nnenna: When you come to Lagos now, we’ll try to teach you a thing or two
Me: Nnenna, please don’t tell anyone about this
Nnenna: (laughing) no I wont