Lotanna Laments: He met my precious

Wedding bells are ringing, my Mum and Aunty Chinelo are bringing their A game. They had gone to Dubai to source gold and some fabric. Aunty Chinelo said she would pay for my hair and make up she was getting one of the big names to do it. That was her present to me. 

My mum had informed everyone who cared to listen. Traditional wedding was scheduled for 25th April and white wedding "5th September". They had to be well apart so Mummy and Aunty Chinelo would have more time to plan and spend money and travel.  I wanted a small wedding in Mauritius or Greece but Gori's mum was unwell and unfit to travel for festivities so I agreed to Tinapa, Calabar, I'd never visited the place, but I'd seen pictures and there is nothing a good event planner and wedding decorators cannot bring to live. Have you seen bellanaija lately. Lol, I said to Gori "with the right decor, we would do this wedding in my fathers back yard and it would look like the coast of France"

When they returned from their trip to Dubai, Aunty Chinelo had bought me some incense and scented oils and candles, she said "This is for your special night, and I don't mean September".  My eyebrows formed a unibrow in utter confusion "What?". 

"Tanna please, I was married once baby, men like nice scents, all over"

I could not believe Aunty would say that to me, so I started to leave the room and she said "In our culture, you are his wife immediately after 25th of April, every thing else is glamorous festivities"

I just left her. Fast forward to the night after my traditional wedding i.e. 26th April. I was super excited. Gori and I were lodged in a hotel in Imo State. He was going to head back to Lagos in two days and Mummy and Aunty Chinelo assured me that I was now his wife, with all their suggestive innuendos. So you know what? Why not?. I was ready, I was ready to grant a Man access to 'my precious'. Finally I will feel a man inside me. I will understand all that Nnenna and Alexis talk about. I will be able to contribute to their nasty sex-related conversations. I will try all the styles I have been secretly making mental notes of.  Somebody will finally will feel the moisture between my legs. Who better than the love of my life?

I had very sexy lingerie gifted to me by Nnenna, Sola (another friend) sent me some pornographic videos and games. The scented oils and candles were setting the atmosphere and my perfume lingered everywhere. I took a shower, put on my lingerie, lay in bed and awaited the return of Gori. He was having drinks with his friends down at the Hotel bar, I was with them for a little bit, he had texted an hour ago saying he'd be up in an hour, so my timing was right. In my head, he would come in, take a shower, kiss me and touch me and do bad things to me. Gori came in jumped on the bed 'yelled my wife'!!!!! Kissed me a little bit and passed out.

By the next morning he woke up with a bad headache and alcohol breath So instead of glowing and reminiscing on how great my 1st coital experience was, I was feeding my new husband painkillers and placing an ice pack on his head.

He isn't leaving till tomorrow, and there are no friends to get drunk with tonight, so it's fine, I will try again tonight and it'd be perfect. 

He didn't notice my lingerie or the scent and I blamed it on the drunkenness. I assured my self that Gori would notice tonight. He has to, he knows I've never done this before, we've never done it before, certainly it must be magical, it has to be perfect. It's a given now, the movies, Cynthia's stories, the novels, the first night was always perfect.

I went to see my parents that evening, when I got back to the hotel, there were rose petals on the bathroom, the bathtub was filled with water and soap lather. I smiled and said "what is this Gori?" he responded "You are my wife now, I am sorry I got shitfaced yesterday, take a bath and come and be sexy for me". Ahn! this is it!!! My special night. When I came out of the shower Gori was waiting for me, I unwrapped me from my towel as sexily as I could, what next though? what was I supposed to do now? I stared at the floor for about 50 seconds and sheepishly rushed to the bed where I lay in wait for whatever action he had planned.

He came up to me and kissed me from my belly button all the way up to my lips. He kissed me deeply and then he started gently yet viciously touching my body. I could feel the moisture. He said 'let me know if it hurts' and then I felt him try to "penetrate my precious". it was a bit of a struggle but then he succeeded. It hurt a tiny little bit actually, it was more of a confusing discomfort.... he moved up and down in excitement, oohing and aahing while I lay there confused and uncomfortable, it felt like I was furiously and repeatedly trying to fit an oversize tampon in. In a little while he made some loud noises, exhaled in satisfaction and kind of collapsed on top of me. I was shocked at how heavy he was and how brief that whole experience was. I shoved him off gently and curled into 'spoon mode', he hugged me and said 'I love you'. I couldn't reply, I was still disappointed and trying to understand what just happened.

In my head: Is that it? Was that the sex? No.... certainly something is wrong, I had heard stories of one minute men and men with small penis's but no one said it'd be this unbelievable. I was furious - what just happened? 24 years of virginity for this?? Excuse me ?