Lotanna Laments: He met my precious

Wedding bells are ringing, my Mum and Aunty Chinelo are bringing their A game. They had gone to Dubai to source gold and some fabric. Aunty Chinelo said she would pay for my hair and make up she was getting one of the big names to do it. That was her present to me. 

My mum had informed everyone who cared to listen. Traditional wedding was scheduled for 25th April and white wedding "5th September". They had to be well apart so Mummy and Aunty Chinelo would have more time to plan and spend money and travel.  I wanted a small wedding in Mauritius or Greece but Gori's mum was unwell and unfit to travel for festivities so I agreed to Tinapa, Calabar, I'd never visited the place, but I'd seen pictures and there is nothing a good event planner and wedding decorators cannot bring to live. Have you seen bellanaija lately. Lol, I said to Gori "with the right decor, we would do this wedding in my fathers back yard and it would look like the coast of France"

When they returned from their trip to Dubai, Aunty Chinelo had bought me some incense and scented oils and candles, she said "This is for your special night, and I don't mean September".  My eyebrows formed a unibrow in utter confusion "What?". 

"Tanna please, I was married once baby, men like nice scents, all over"

I could not believe Aunty would say that to me, so I started to leave the room and she said "In our culture, you are his wife immediately after 25th of April, every thing else is glamorous festivities"

I just left her. Fast forward to the night after my traditional wedding i.e. 26th April. I was super excited. Gori and I were lodged in a hotel in Imo State. He was going to head back to Lagos in two days and Mummy and Aunty Chinelo assured me that I was now his wife, with all their suggestive innuendos. So you know what? Why not?. I was ready, I was ready to grant a Man access to 'my precious'. Finally I will feel a man inside me. I will understand all that Nnenna and Alexis talk about. I will be able to contribute to their nasty sex-related conversations. I will try all the styles I have been secretly making mental notes of.  Somebody will finally will feel the moisture between my legs. Who better than the love of my life?

I had very sexy lingerie gifted to me by Nnenna, Sola (another friend) sent me some pornographic videos and games. The scented oils and candles were setting the atmosphere and my perfume lingered everywhere. I took a shower, put on my lingerie, lay in bed and awaited the return of Gori. He was having drinks with his friends down at the Hotel bar, I was with them for a little bit, he had texted an hour ago saying he'd be up in an hour, so my timing was right. In my head, he would come in, take a shower, kiss me and touch me and do bad things to me. Gori came in jumped on the bed 'yelled my wife'!!!!! Kissed me a little bit and passed out.

By the next morning he woke up with a bad headache and alcohol breath So instead of glowing and reminiscing on how great my 1st coital experience was, I was feeding my new husband painkillers and placing an ice pack on his head.

He isn't leaving till tomorrow, and there are no friends to get drunk with tonight, so it's fine, I will try again tonight and it'd be perfect. 

He didn't notice my lingerie or the scent and I blamed it on the drunkenness. I assured my self that Gori would notice tonight. He has to, he knows I've never done this before, we've never done it before, certainly it must be magical, it has to be perfect. It's a given now, the movies, Cynthia's stories, the novels, the first night was always perfect.

I went to see my parents that evening, when I got back to the hotel, there were rose petals on the bathroom, the bathtub was filled with water and soap lather. I smiled and said "what is this Gori?" he responded "You are my wife now, I am sorry I got shitfaced yesterday, take a bath and come and be sexy for me". Ahn! this is it!!! My special night. When I came out of the shower Gori was waiting for me, I unwrapped me from my towel as sexily as I could, what next though? what was I supposed to do now? I stared at the floor for about 50 seconds and sheepishly rushed to the bed where I lay in wait for whatever action he had planned.

He came up to me and kissed me from my belly button all the way up to my lips. He kissed me deeply and then he started gently yet viciously touching my body. I could feel the moisture. He said 'let me know if it hurts' and then I felt him try to "penetrate my precious". it was a bit of a struggle but then he succeeded. It hurt a tiny little bit actually, it was more of a confusing discomfort.... he moved up and down in excitement, oohing and aahing while I lay there confused and uncomfortable, it felt like I was furiously and repeatedly trying to fit an oversize tampon in. In a little while he made some loud noises, exhaled in satisfaction and kind of collapsed on top of me. I was shocked at how heavy he was and how brief that whole experience was. I shoved him off gently and curled into 'spoon mode', he hugged me and said 'I love you'. I couldn't reply, I was still disappointed and trying to understand what just happened.

In my head: Is that it? Was that the sex? No.... certainly something is wrong, I had heard stories of one minute men and men with small penis's but no one said it'd be this unbelievable. I was furious - what just happened? 24 years of virginity for this?? Excuse me ?

Lotanna Laments - My Pride and Joy

When I got married I had never been with a man, this is not because I am religious or spiritual. It's because growing up, my mum would tell me that I carry my pride and joy between my legs and the minute a man sees my “precious” (that’s what she calls it) then I can no longer do any 'shakara' and I loved to do 'shakara' . Why wouldn’t I?. My parents instilled confidence in me at a very early age, I had access to all I ever wanted. My dad says I look like an angel and he is not bluffing, I do. My hair is long and curly thanks to my mothers half indian genes. My skin is smooth and light just the way Nigerian Men like it. My dad is very comfortable; If I do say so my self.I am his only girl, so that comfort extends to me.... very very well.

www.theuncommonjourney.com

Yes, I take pride in being a virgin; or should I say I took pride in being a virgin and it had nothing to do with my faith. The best part is was the fact that no man could ever say "oh I have slept with Tanna", no man ever saw my nakedness before my husband and this gave me joy. I was so proud.  More so, I loved the attention I got from men be it because I look like a polished diamond or because they want to be on my fathers good side. 

When I met Gori he was a creepy stalker. It took him 6 months of persistence and coming to my house every evening to get my number. I enjoyed it, making fun of him and telling my mum how desperate he was. Sometimes she will tell me to stop all this gloating and pick a man and settle down. Other times she’d indulge me, I think she knew I liked Gori. 

Four months into his persistence I was head over heels in love with him and would anticipate his arrival at my Gate. One evening he didn’t show up and my heart was racing, I was certain he had an accident because why else would he not come. Certainly he hadn’t given up. The evening after, still no Gori. I was furious, how dare he give up on me.  I would never call Aunty Chinelo to ask for his number, that would require a lot of explanation (I met Gori at Aunty Chinelo’s house warming, she introduced me to him, he manages her myriad of investments.  When she asked me of him afterwards, I sternly said I was not interested in that along with a few other mean things). I was losing my mind and my patience.

Mummy called Aunty Chinelo, after they teased me, she sent his number via text.  When he picked up, he didn’t sound ill.

Me; Hi Gori

Gori; Hi

Me; Please don’t pretend you don’t know who this is

Gori; Tanna, how are you

Me; I haven’t seen you in a few days (My pride forgot it’s place)

Gori; Babe, I am not in town, I had to sort something out in Abuja impromptu and I don’t have any means of contacting you so I was juat waiting till I get back to Lagos tomorrow evening

Me; Well, here’s my number…

The conversation went on and all my guard was dropped, I was in love with Gori and now he and my mum and Aunty Chinelo knew it. Six  months later Gori put a ring on it. I though it was too quick but I was excited anyway.

I’d tease him that he is in such a hurry because he wants access to my precious and he’d say “no rush baby my wife will be mine and mine alone and I will be hers and hers alone." My Pride knew no bounds.

My name is Lotanna Ogunbanjo (nee Ezike) welcome to my world.

Timmyz Tales: They say time heals all wounds

It has stopped Raining. 

My wave of uncertainty is over and my reality has stabilized

Source: Tumblr

Let me rewind to the pregnancy scare "period".
Throughout my pregnancy scare phase, I was ill most mornings and everything irritated me.  My Boobs were heavier than I could imagine and my mind was doing me over…. I would wake up and chant the pregnancy away in a silent and repetitive chorus “I cannot be pregnant” " I cannot be pregnant" as if I was trying to wish it away. 

I became a heavy Vodka Drinker. For Nine days I was chugging Vodka down straight from the bottle every evening before Fela gets home. Igho said "just take a test and stop hurting your liver, it has nothing to do with this". I wasn't listening. I think I was a little crazy that period.

Fela would come home to me reeking of ethanol and he’d get upset and yell and ask me why I was acting out. In that same moment, he'd put a cold towel over my head and rub my back. His anger was obviously the least of my worries. I always ignored him and slept off after the back rub.

Through out that phase, my routine was: wake up choking and with a head ache, throw up, send a text to Vivian saying “Good morning ma, I’m still under the weather please permit me to work from home”. Then return to bed.. mostly hazed.

One evening Fela sent me a text message saying “we need to talk about whats going on with you” and so I prepared my “How the hell could you be married and not tell me speech” I called Igho, she knew how to ginger things up, she gave me morale. I didn't drink Vodka that evening, I took a shower and waited for him. I was ready to face him.

He came home and sat on the dining table ready for this “Talk”
Of cuss, my heart melted at the sight of his ever so warm smile.

Me; I think I am pregnant

Fela: If that’s the case you should stop drinking

Me: I am not joking

Fela: Me either. Is this fact of hunch

Me: Hunch

Fela: Please take a test. Then he giggled and in typical Fela Fashion he said “It’d be nice to have a mini you disturbing us in this house”.

My head almost popped, is this guy deluded? Or maybe I am the crazy one.

Please note: I still did not deliver my speech

We went out together that evening and bought a pee stick. First thing in the morning. I took a test… Negative

Fela: It’s all the Vodka you have been drinking. Please take a blood test.

His reaction was confusing me, why is he so relaxed. He has a wife and a kid for goodness sake what is wrong with this guy.

Thankfully, there was no need for a blood test because 12hrs after the pee stick my MG arrived… I was overjoyed. Legit Elated.

I sent him a text "I got my "blood" test, No mini-Felas expected"
He replied: Well damn., I was looking forward to us 9 months from now

What a wow!!!

Anyway that pregnancy scare and being relieved of it did something to me, it snapped me straight to sanity. That evening I cooked Fela a nice meal and while he was eating. I inserted his Hard Drive to the TV, selected the wedding video, played it and increased the volume.

Fela froze in his seat and I could feel the Tension rising. He got up and came to look at the TV Screen as though he wanted to verify what he was hearing. Then he looked at me and of course I had no expression, I was not surprised and I had already experienced the hurt so, there was not a lot more to talk about.

Honestly, I hoped he’d say they were no longer together, I hoped he’d say he only had it for archival reasons. Unfortunately, there was no story. He is in fact married to Henrietta and they have a child together. I, Timmy was just a piece of ass, cooking and cleaning another womans’ home. I was his Lagos “wife”. I slept in his house that night and I left the next morning like nothing was wrong. But I came in at lunch time moved all my shit and never went back.

He begged and pleaded and said all sorts of things. He sent flowers and gifts and after a few weeks he ran out of apologies and gifts to send then he sent me a lousy message "I appreciate you T". It took everything in me to not respond to that text.

Honestly a part of me was crushed to pieces after that night. Igho thinks I let him off easy, she thinks I should have put up a fight. That fight would have ended with make up sex, Fela had and still has my mumu button so the best way is to just Ignore him.

My only question though is "How was it going to play out". Why was he okay with us living together. Why was he okay with me getting pregnant. How was that going to play out?

I want to say I am over it, but I am not, I am just moving on. 

Just for closure: I am not with Van Damme or Folarin, they are still my friends. They are both happy that I’m no longer with Fela, they don’t know why and they don’t need to know. I have returned to my RAMSHACKLE sangotedo home, back to my schedule of waking up at 4:45 and getting picked up by Folarin. Van Damme is offering to rent his BQ to me but I think I am still healing from the Fela Saga, so let me just bask in my solitude for now.


My name is Timmy: This is farewell... for now.