Timmyz Tales : Lunch with Folarin

Folarin is kinda sorta my boss at work, so when he asks me to come to work on Saturday, I grumble but I have to go. Conveniently, he gives me a ride to and from work, he buys me lunch, and we have good conversation. So I ain’t mad.

On this particular day, though, I was Mad, I was Livid and my face lacks the ability to conceal my feelings, so he could tell from the “good afternoon Folarin.” I was mad for several reasons:

1. My boyfriend (Jide) had started dating his so-called ‘best friend,’ fucking Isoken. This girl used to tell me that she was so much better at being his girlfriend than me and we would laugh over it. Look at me now!!! I will spit in your face when I see you…snag!

2. My generator went off and never came back on, and PHCN is really a myth in that area.

3. There has not been water for 5 days. I have been bathing with a bag (20 sachets) of Pure Water!!!!!!!!!!

4. I was just upset abeg, all I wanted to do was lay in bed and watch Desperate Housewives.

Anyway, I ranted to Folarin and managed to tie everything back to Lagos and the curse of moving to Lagos, and how I can never be pleased living here. Out of pity or love or hunger, he took me to some restaurant in Lekki Phase 1 (Sao Café) and he bought me food, then he told me about his life.

Mid-convo, I stepped out to take a call, it was my mum…bless her… she is such a trooper. While I was talking to her, some guy stepped out and sat on one of those ‘couches’ at the back, he was intently and intensely staring at me. When I was done with the call, he walked up to me, said a few nice words and asked for my number. For some reason, I looked back and caught Folarin’s eyes…they were not pleased.

I went back in after my mini-flirt, which I needed, and Folarin said nothing to me afterwards. The whole day was just awkward, it was purely boss-colleague. Even the ride home was awkward. He was consciously trying not to sound upset. Then at 11:53 at night, he made it even more awkward, he sent me a message: “ I’m sorry I acted the way I did.” I did not and really could not respond. The day after, he called me three times at 7a.m. I didn’t pick up (because I was asleep), but then he left another message: “I’m sorry Timi.”

WHOOOOLLUP!!!: Are we like in a relationship? Am I not allowed to speak to men? Or is it cos he was there? What’s all this? Folarin needs to not mess this up for me, our relationship is so convenient.

My Name is Timi; and that's how my Saturday went.

Timmyz Tales - My Hate List

I just moved to Lagos.
Living in lagos, Living in Sangotedo, Ajah in Lagos  means that I have to be up before 5:00am in order to hitch a ride with my colleague/boss- Folarin; and make it to work just in time to wear my makeup and grab a nice warm sardine toast for breakfast before 8:00am.


Ps: the apartment Ad said 20mins from Lekki Phase 1……….THEY LIED!!.


I hate it, I hate it all, I hate the sound of my alarm at 4:15am.
I hate that I have to rush through my early morning prayer.
I hate the feeling of soap and water against my skin at 4:35am.
I hate having to wake Mohammed - the-not-so-secure security man,who is easily one of the reasons I wake at 4:15. It takes Mohammed a minimum of 4 minutes to respond to my aggressive knocking and screaming then another 3 minutes to drag his lanky body out of bed, drag out his prayer mat, walk to the gate… remember that he left the key to the gate, light jog back to his room and then open the gate for me...

Then I literally run into Folarins car, he is such a delight, he is always so awake and so pleasant. Folarin would always say ‘Timi, good morning’ while I  manage a ‘gumrnin Fola’ and then he would offer me an apple and tell me ‘don’t worry babe, you will be fine’. Fola is perfect, and happily married, so I am not allowed to day dream. Also, i only like him at 5am,maybe it’s the apple, maybe it’s the free ride,maybe it’s the niceities, he is my 5am breath of fresh air and between 5am and 8am I love him. But, I don’t find him attractive at noon, he looks a lot less delightful and at close of business, when he rolls up his sleeves and loosens his tie; he’s supposed to be more attractive then right?.....not Fola, he has a lingering stench of desperation and exhaustion and I don’t like that. So, Happy married Life Fola.

I hate the buses, their drivers and their emphatically confused ways of driving.
I hate the smell of the office cafeteria where Fola and I get the sardine sandwich, which is really just hot bread and sardine.
I hate the journey  home either in a very unpleasant bus or in Oge’s car.
I hate the walk home from the junction in the dark praying in my mind to God that I don’t end up as a subject of one of those ‘Disclaimer BBM Broadcasts’ or worse on Linda Ikeji as raped/beaten/robbed or kidnapped.
I hate it all, it’s been 14days and I Hate Lagos.

My name is Timi (Timmy) and this is an excerpt of my current hate list.